Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Don't Go! A visually impressive, bloated mess.
Superheroes fight, unite, then fight again.
From Batman’s first cinematic outing in 1943 and Superman’s in 1948, their stories, in film, have been rich, and many beloved. Both are complex, intriguing characters who were created truthfully on the foundation of one universal, Shakesperian concept – dead dads. In recent years, the real-life parent of both, DC Comics, has reinvented the characters in dark graphic novel form; first with director Christopher Nolan’s epic Dark Knight Trilogy, and then with Zack Snyder’s solid Man of Steel. Under the same shadowy banner, Suicide Squad will be released later this year, making DC the welcome, edgy antithesis to Marvel’s colourful comic book splurge of unicorn poop over the same period. Snyder is again at the helm in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, with Henry Cavill (The Man from U.N.C.L.E) reprising his role as Superman, and Ben Affleck (Gone Girl) introduced as the all new, one-day-stubbled Batman.
Even before its release, the whole idea of such a film seemed a bit odd. It is the cinema equivalent of the absurd, drunken question, “who would win in a fight – a shark or a lion?”. It is a stupid question. Neither would really win – the whole affair would just be deeply confusing. You’d have a drenched lion facing a parched shark – a lot of exhaustion for not much reward. What is certain is that they’d both be pissed off, and probably unite to gleefully murder whoever organised their deluded conflict, before shaking paws/fins and going their separate ways. Ultimately, Dawn of Justice is a $250 million exercise that does little else other than prove that this point is true.
300, which catapulted Zack Snyder into the Hollywood big time, had a heavy metal edge. It was a roaring, thrashing, efficient predator of a film. Dawn of Justice shows similar promise in its visual stature, but virtually everything beyond that is neutered to the dull edge of pointlessness. Simply too many stories, themes and relationships are explored for one film, leaving it all flapping aimlessly like a silk cape in a huffy whirlwind. Compounded by most of the story being revealed in the trailer, we encounter a decent-looking Batman character, but one that we are barely introduced to; an attention-seeking Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network) who is given too little screen time to make his brattish psychosis believable; a southern senator (played by the very watchable Holly Hunter, Thirteen) who only skims the fat off the interesting ideas of media influence and the control of power; a romance between Lois Lane (Amy Adams, American Hustle) and Clark Kent that is flatter than a slowly melting plastic spatula; and a giant, genetically modified baddie that completely ruins the consistent logic needed for this and every other comic book movie to work, taking it dangerously close to the unforgivable failings of Fantastic 4 (2015).
300, which catapulted Zack Snyder into the Hollywood big time, had a heavy metal edge. It was a roaring, thrashing, efficient predator of a film. Dawn of Justice shows similar promise in its visual stature, but virtually everything beyond that is neutered to the dull edge of pointlessness. Simply too many stories, themes and relationships are explored for one film, leaving it all flapping aimlessly like a silk cape in a huffy whirlwind. Compounded by most of the story being revealed in the trailer, we encounter a decent-looking Batman character, but one that we are barely introduced to; an attention-seeking Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network) who is given too little screen time to make his brattish psychosis believable; a southern senator (played by the very watchable Holly Hunter, Thirteen) who only skims the fat off the interesting ideas of media influence and the control of power; a romance between Lois Lane (Amy Adams, American Hustle) and Clark Kent that is flatter than a slowly melting plastic spatula; and a giant, genetically modified baddie that completely ruins the consistent logic needed for this and every other comic book movie to work, taking it dangerously close to the unforgivable failings of Fantastic 4 (2015).
OK, so it's not that bad - stooping to those depths is very difficult. But by the time Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot, Furious 7) appears, and becomes by far the most badass thing about a movie that should have been at least 94% badass, two arduous hours have passed and only 30 minutes remain. Even then, the fire she lights in the belly of this film is quickly stifled by the dampness that surrounds her. It begs the question, why not just make a phenomenal a Wonder Woman film (due 2017) and be done with it? At this point, the twinkling sound of cash registers starts to echo, in full Dolby Surround Sound.
I would ordinarily beg the studios for mercy. Please stop pumping us full of these bloated and under-developed superhero ensemble films. Take your time and come up with another Dark Knight Trilogy. Sadly, however, we are only 4 weeks away from the release of Marvel’s Captain America: Civil War – a.k.a. Batman v Superman: Again.
After that, for the love of Thor, please stop. In the meantime, don’t go to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. There's only so much justice we can bear before it becomes unfair.
I would ordinarily beg the studios for mercy. Please stop pumping us full of these bloated and under-developed superhero ensemble films. Take your time and come up with another Dark Knight Trilogy. Sadly, however, we are only 4 weeks away from the release of Marvel’s Captain America: Civil War – a.k.a. Batman v Superman: Again.
After that, for the love of Thor, please stop. In the meantime, don’t go to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. There's only so much justice we can bear before it becomes unfair.
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