John Wick
Don't Go! Just another assassin going rogue.
Dog dies. Keanu kills everyone
In 2008's Taken, Liam Neeson uttered the immortal words: "If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it...But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you." Little did we know that in doing so he validated a blueprint for an emerging, weird type of superhero movie. The "anti-vigilante" - some kind of unstoppable, superhuman ex-special forces or ex-mafioso assassin (with an ironically ordinary name) who gets dragged back to their past life and goes on a stylish killing spree with a, doof doof, banging soundtrack. Crucially, the anti-vigilante is a bad guy who only kills bad guys, and every time, it's personal. Alongside Taken (+2, +3), we've been repeatedly bashed around the head by these anti-vigilantes in Jack Reacher, Run All Night, Shooter, Law Abiding Citizen, Man on Fire, Shoot 'Em Up, Kill Bill... And on it goes.
First, finding the intense emotional trigger. Wick's wife has just died and she left him a cutey cutey ikkle puppy to love, instead of her (because it's so similar). Oh how sweet, Wick is besotted. What could possibly go wrong?
Second, the "oh dear, you're going to regret that" moment. The son of an Eastern European mafia boss (who Wick coincidentally used to work for as a one man death squad) kills the puppy, hits Wick on the head and steals his car! Oh dear indeed.
Third, the "don't you realise who he is?!" revelation. "You killed John Wick's dog! Who's dog?! JOHN WICK'S dog! Ahhhh right, yeah, John Wick. Gosh darn it. I didn't realise who he was."
Finally, the "everyone dies" part. There are guns, sparse dialogue, a war of wills and, of course, everyone dies. Everyone. Who cares if it was just a dog? He was upset! Fair enough. Dogs are nice.
If you think I've spoiled the movie for you, get over it. Let's be honest, these films aren't about their heart-wrenching storyline and "didn't see that coming" twists. They are about fist on flesh; bullet through bone and amassing a brutal, bloody body-count...With a banging soundtrack.
Second, the "oh dear, you're going to regret that" moment. The son of an Eastern European mafia boss (who Wick coincidentally used to work for as a one man death squad) kills the puppy, hits Wick on the head and steals his car! Oh dear indeed.
Third, the "don't you realise who he is?!" revelation. "You killed John Wick's dog! Who's dog?! JOHN WICK'S dog! Ahhhh right, yeah, John Wick. Gosh darn it. I didn't realise who he was."
Finally, the "everyone dies" part. There are guns, sparse dialogue, a war of wills and, of course, everyone dies. Everyone. Who cares if it was just a dog? He was upset! Fair enough. Dogs are nice.
If you think I've spoiled the movie for you, get over it. Let's be honest, these films aren't about their heart-wrenching storyline and "didn't see that coming" twists. They are about fist on flesh; bullet through bone and amassing a brutal, bloody body-count...With a banging soundtrack.
So how does it do on that front? Well it's fine. Keanu does lots of spinning around and shooting people quickly, and when he runs out of bullets there is even some twirling and punching and kicking, which is fun - the film is directed by stuntmen after all. But overall, the bad guy is too comical to take seriously (he wears a red shirt with a black suit and a blue spotted tie! For practically the whole movie! Like a clown!). This makes all the killing (so much killing) seem more than a bit over the top. Add to this Keanu, who is back to his arthritic acting best, creaking around New York like a tin man looking for Dorothy, each of his sparse lines roughly delivered like a poorly sliced cut of cold, dry luncheon meat. Most disappointing, the soundtrack was terribly ordinary - unforgivable in a film like this, which craves some Drive-esque thumping music to style up all the murdering. It should've banged better.
So don't go. When so many people are killed on screen, there always needs to be some kind of good reason to watch or it just makes the audience's eyeballs dirty. John Wick lacks the necessary justification and is therefore not just an average movie, but also a tarnishing one.
So don't go. When so many people are killed on screen, there always needs to be some kind of good reason to watch or it just makes the audience's eyeballs dirty. John Wick lacks the necessary justification and is therefore not just an average movie, but also a tarnishing one.
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